


Witches Suck (or the One Where Sam Tries to be Hella Smooth)

by songflightgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Almost cracky, Body Swap AU, M/M, Not even implied naked butts, poor sammy, sampov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 19:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3581604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/songflightgirl/pseuds/songflightgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Witches suck,” Sam grumbled, kicking at a rock with his boot. </p>
<p>He missed.</p>
<p>His foot came up short and swung out from beneath him. The wild movement threw him off balance and he landed on his ass in the gravel. </p>
<p>Well, not his ass, strictly speaking. Technically it was Dean’s ass. Dean’s body. But Dean wasn’t in it. Dean was in Sam’s body. And Sam was in his. </p>
<p>Witches suck. So hard.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Witches Suck (or the One Where Sam Tries to be Hella Smooth)

“Witches suck,” Sam grumbled, kicking at a rock with his boot. 

He missed.

His foot came up short and swung out from beneath him. The wild movement threw him off balance and he landed on his ass in the gravel. 

Well, not _his ass_ , strictly speaking. Technically it was Dean’s ass. Dean’s body. But Dean wasn’t in it. Dean was in Sam’s body. And Sam was in his. 

Witches suck. So hard. 

“Dude, what the hell are you doing on the ground?” his own voice said from behind him. 

Sam looked up from where he was slumped on the ground. 

“I fell down,” his voice was too low now, too hard, too...not his. 

“Don’t bruise my ass,” Dean growled, lumbering easily past him, “if we’re going to be stuck in each other’s bodies for a week I don't want any reminders.” 

Sam groaned and pulled himself to his feet, swaying off balance, once again forgetting his new center of gravity. He swung his arms out and windmilled. 

“God damn witches,” he mumbled walking slowly forward again, watching his new feet, “god damn curses. God damn everything.” 

“How come you’re not having problems with this, Dean?” Sam called out, risking a glance up to see his body already leaned against the Impala, watching him with amusement. 

“Because I’m awesome,” Dean replied smugly, jingling his keys in one hand, “now hurry up. I wanna get back home and see if we can find a way to reverse this shit early. I want to get out of your gigantor limbs as soon as possible.” 

...

After three days of misjudging stairs, three days standing too far away from light switches and three days of everything on his nightstand being just out of reach, Sam finally got fed up. 

He decided to call in the big guns. 

And hey, if he was stuck in his brother's body, he might as well have a little bit of fun, right? It’s only fair right? After all the crap Dean’s put him through. Mess with him just a _little_.

Sam walked into the bunker’s empty kitchen with a grin on his face and leaned against the cold tile counter. He bowed his head and rubbed his hands together. He felt like an old school cartoon villain, so he stopped. 

“Oh Castiel,” he begins his best impression of Dean, “It’s Dean. I need your help, so if you could take a moment and get your, uh, feathery ass down here, that’d be great. Thanks.” 

Ugh, he's always hated leaving voicemails.

Sam lifted his head, and peaked with one eye to quickly survey the room. 

Nothing. Maybe Cas knows it’s him and isn’t bothering to show up. Maybe he’s waiting for his “more profound bond”. Mayb-

“Hello, Dean.” 

Bingo. 

Sam whipped around, nearly going crosseyed to focus on the angel in front of him. So this is what Dean was always going on about with the whole personal space thing. 

“ _Jesu-_ Hey there, Cas,” Sam said, quickly covering his fumble by taking a small step back. 

Cas was staring intently at him, as though calculating. 

A moment passed. This staring sure was intimidating. It was hard to think with someone looking you with that level of intensity. 

“So, Cas,” he tried again, “I was thinking. Maybe we could-”

Sam could actually feel his borrowed eyes bug out when Cas put a finger to his also borrowed lips. 

“Hush, my love,” Cas whispered. 

My love. Fucking _my love_. Ohhhhh Dean was never going to hear the end of this. 

Then, to Sam’s surprise and utter horror, Cas suddenly lurched forward and kissed him. 

“What the hell, Cas,” Sam shoved at the angels shoulders and leaned back, “you just kissed me.” 

“Is something wrong, Dean?” Cas’ voice was full of concern, but his expression was blank. 

Not him. Dean. Cas thinks he’s kissing Dean. 

Shit. 

Wait. _Cas thinks he’s kissing Dean._

“Uh, no...um, babe,” Sam vomits internally, “you just surprised me.” 

“Are you sure? Is this because of what I did last night?” 

Sam just barely stops himself from asking what Cas did last night. Because he really, _really_ doesn’t want to know. 

“No, no, no,” Sam says quickly, “not at all.”

What was happening? Sam had a plan. What was his plan? _He needed to remember the plan._

“Oh good, because I wasn’t sure if you would like it when I-”

“Yeah, no. That was fine.” Abort. Abort. Abort. 

“I don’t understand why you’re so nervous talking about the carnal side of our relationship, Dean.”

“I just am, Cas. I don’t want-”

“This is important Dean. We need to have an open dialogue about these things or else someone might get hurt,” Cas reaches for Dean’s (Sam’s) hands.

Sam so did not need to hear this. 

“I care about you, Dean, I want our time together to be pleasurable.” 

Sam was stuck. The horror was overpowering his fight or flight instinct. He was frozen. 

“We’ve discussed safewords and boundaries already, and we’ve gone through the list of things you wanted to try already. So I was wondering if we might try a couple of the things from my list.” 

Sam’s mouth moved wordlessly. He tried to find the words, but the couldn’t. 

“I was thinking we could start with number four on my list. I know you’re opposed to being tied up for too long, but I thought if we started out in short increments-”

“Hey, Cas?” Sam heard himself say. 

Or rather, heard his body say. 

“Yes, Dean?” Cas replied, looking over his shoulder at Dean in Sam’s body. Dean in Sam’s body who was standing in doorway to the kitchen. Dean in Sam’s body who then walked up behind Cas and threw an arm around the angel’s shoulder and kissed his forehead. 

“I think he’s had enough. Ya might’ve broken him a little bit,” Dean leans forward and Sam gets a close up view of his own face. 

“Hey Cas, you were right about my eyes. They _are_ the same color green as that hat.” 

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t believe me,” Cas frowned, “does this mean you’ll wear it?” 

Dean scoffed. 

“Of course not. It was a douchey hat.” 

"No it's not, it's _distinguished_." 

Sam’s brain finally caught up with real life. 

“You assholes,” he hissed, he felt his fists ball up as he glared. “You knew the whole time. You knew and you just let it keep going.” 

“Pretty hilarious, huh, Sammy?” Dean’s shit eating grin looked strange on Sam’s face. 

“NO!” Sam yelled, “because now I know way too much about a sex life I didn’t even _know you two had_.” 

“Oh right,” Dean said as if he’d forgotten to mention there were leftovers in the fridge, “I'm bi, by the by. Ha. And Cas and I are doing it.”

“Courting,” Cas interjected.

“Dating,” Dean conceded while rolling his eyes, “we’re dating, and now you know.” 

“But you let him keep _going_ ,” Sam moaned, “I have images that can _never_ be removed.” 

“Sucks to be you, don’t it?” Dean winked, then left, pulling Cas behind him by the hand. 

“Where are you two going?” Sam asked.

“Where do you think?” Dean hollered. 

“You two better not have sex with my body.” 

“Perks of dating an angel, he’s looking at my soul, not my body.” 

“Jesus fucking christ on a cracker.” 

…

“Dean, are we really going to have sex right now?” Cas frowned.

“God no, Cas. Don’t be disgusting.” 

Dean shuddered with his moose brother’s shoulders. “We’re going for pie.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://charliebradburyismylesbianmuse.tumblr.com/). 
> 
> I don't bite, but I might nibble a bit.


End file.
